Monday, November 5, 2012

"The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin

I had been dying to read The Happiness Project: Or Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning, Clean My Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun by Gretchen Rubin for several months after I saw it in a magazine.  I was with a friend in the self-help section at Barnes & Noble and saw it on the shelf.  As I do with most books that I want to buy, I quickly snapped a picture of the front cover with my phone.  That way I have the photo, title, and author of the book right there on my phone if I need to look it up.  And as soon as I got my next B&N member coupon, I set off to the store knowing exactly what I wanted to buy.


Although the book wasn't exactly what I thought it was going to be, I did realize that it would be something I would like from the very first page.  Right there, staring me in the face, was my biggest fear besides death (or maybe that's why I'm afraid of dying):

I was in danger of wasting my life.

Those eight words scare the crap out of me.  And if any book I can read can help me NOT waste my life, then I'm all for reading it.  So I jumped in with both feet.

In order not to feel too overwhelmed with completely trying to change her life in one day and making that last all year, Rubin chose to focus on tackling one area of her life each month.  The book is divided up into chapters for each month.

January's goal was to "Boost Energy."  This is something I struggle with.  I know that I don't eat well all of the time.  I don't work out as much as I should.  I don't get to sleep at a decent time, get too little sleep during the week, and too much sleep on the weekends.  I am also HORRIBLE about making time to relax.  I know that keeping tension in my body not only stresses me out, but drains my energy as well.  I keep making "resolutions" that I will change all of this.  I say to myself "Today is Thursday, I'll start this on Sunday since it will be a new week" or "Today is the 23rd day of the month.  I'm so close to next month that I'll start next month" or the all-used "It's almost New Year's Day, so I'll make a fresh start for the new year."  I constantly next-day my life away.  I just have to remember that tomorrow is THE day I need to start.

Another topic broached in January was to toss, restore, and organize.  I'm one of those people that feel cluttered inside if I am surrounded by clutter outside.  It has been my goal to get this entire house completely organized, every square inch cleaned, some decorating projects tackled, and get rid of clutter by the end of the year.  I'm giving myself a big deadline because that leaves room for life to happen in the meantime.  I tackled our master bathroom last night.  Now that all of the surfaces are bright, shiny, and organized, it allowed me to see some little decorating projects I can do.  Nothing major, but enough to make an impact.  And decorating.....THAT makes me happy.

February's topic was "Remember Love."  Without revealing everything in the book, I know I am guilty of doing some things that Rubin mentions in this chapter.  What really stood out for me in this chapter was the concept of "feeling right."

"Feeling right" was a trickier concept:  it was the feeling that I'm living the life I'm supposed to lead. "Feeling right" is about living the life that's right for you - in occupation, location, marital status, and so on.  It's also about virtue:  doing your duty, living up to the expectations you set for yourself.

"Aim Higher" was the topic for March.  In order to honor this goal, I did create a blog.  I used to write a lot as a child and it was one of the things that I was great at.  Unfortunately, writing has been one of those things where life got in the way and we parted ways.  Starting the blog allows me to express myself, post photos, document our lives, and connect to other people.  It's something small, but something that I know will make me happy.

For April, Rubin's goal was to "Lighten Up."  One thing that I need to work on more is to acknowledge the reality of people's feelings.  I know I'm horrible at this.  Most of my life seems like the "Jeanie Show."  I'm trying to make more of an effort of putting myself in someone else's shoes since I would want the same done to me.  Also, Rubin decided to make more time for projects as part of her goal for the month.  I have to admit, I have been good at this lately.  I love arts, crafts, creating, and decorating.  Creativity has been flowing through me lately, especially since I want to do a lot of decorating on the cheap.  I've also had several good art ideas lately.  I can't wait to break out the canvas and create something beautiful.

I didn't have to worry too much about the topic for May to "Be More Serious About Play."  I'm a very silly person and say a lot of silly things.  I keep my friends, my coworkers, and Pete with smiles on their faces.  So I didn't really need a lot of help in that department.

I could see that June's topic of "Make Time For Friends" was going to be the topic I needed the most help with.  I need to be better at writing down people's birthdays and not relying solely on Facebook to tell me when to wish someone a happy birthday.  Along with that, I know that I need to make the effort to make phone calls instead of just quickly typing in "Happy Birthday!"  In this world of texts and Twitter and Facebook, people don't call each other as much anymore.  And it's so thoughtful when someone does take the time to make that call.  It's kind of like homemade presents and cards for me.  They are my favorite because it shows that someone took time out of their busy life to make something specifically for you instead of dropping by a store and picking something up.  I will admit, I am fairly good (at least I think so) of showing up for people.  I know how much it means to me when people show up for me and I try to do the same for others as well.  I try to carve the time into my schedule because it's important to me.

I'm also taking up the June challenge to make three new friends.  I took a golf class in college, bought some new clubs a few years ago, and have yet to truly play with them.  I recently signed up to take some golf instruction classes again, so that will allow me some good opportunity to meet new people.  And getting back into yoga.  I used to go every single week.  It's one of the few things in life that can calm me and center me.  And I miss it.  I need the peace and serenity it brings, a maybe a few other fellow yoga lovers to meet.

Rubin also lists "personal commandments" from some of her blog readers in the book.  Some that really stuck with me were:

  • Talk to strangers
  • Stop the venting and complaining
  • Go outside
  • Stop buying useless crap (no comment from you, Pete)
  • Give thanks for the ordinary and extraordinary
  • Create something that wasn't there before
  • Make footprints: "I was here"
  • Be the kind of woman I want my daughters to be
  • Imagine the eulogy: how do I want to be remembered?
  • What would I do if I weren't scared?
  • Start where you are
  • Play the hand I'm dealt
Definitely going to try to take action on some of those personal commandments.

July's topic is a little touchy to some people.  "Buy Some Happiness" doesn't necessarily mean going on major shopping sprees (although those do make me happy).  The best example of this is my friend Christina.  Christina and I would meet every Wednesday night at Starbucks for girl talk time with each other where we would catch up on the latest happenings in our lives.  I would go to Starbucks, get a hot chocolate, and gulp it down.  Before I knew it, my hot chocolate, and $3 from my wallet, were gone.  Christina would get a coffee drink and you could just see how much she relished and enjoyed the drink.  She savored every moment of that drink and you could see with every sip how that drink was lightening her mood and bringing a smile to her face.  Yes, girl time with a close friend also does that, but you could see the effect that one small coffee drink had on her.  And although my $3 hot chocolate, gulped down too quickly, was probably a waste of money, that $3 coffee drink meant way more to her and brought much more happiness to her.  There are certain things that are like "comfort foods" to me.  And curling up in a chair with a hot chocolate at Starbucks is "comfort food" for me.  And if I've had a bad day, spending that $3 and savoring that hot chocolate along with a good book are completely worth it to bring some peace, joy, and a smile to my face.

"Contemplate The Heavens" was the topic of August.  Like Rubin, I do read a lot of memoirs of catastrophe.  Reading these books makes me realize that I'm lucky for not having attempted suicide, not having to live through the murder of my entire family, not having to be a drugged-up child soldier in a third world country, not having a botched ice-pick lobotomy done to me as a child.  It's grim.  But it also makes me thankful for my life.  I also started keeping a gratitude notebook (I read about this somewhere prior to Rubin's book).  I do some volunteer work.  And sometimes I don't feel like what I do is worthy or makes an imprint on other people's lives.  I sometimes feel that I don't have enough (not materially) to contribute to someone else's life. But then I get moments....moments where someone tells me that something I said has made a huge impact on their life.  A few words, or sharing my life story and the wisdom gained through it, has given them hope.  By sharing my opinion or viewpoint has given them a different way to look at things.  I can look into their eyes and actually see that my life has made a positive impact on theirs.  And those moments leave me so full of meaning and purpose.  They allow me to KNOW deep in my heart that one person's life can make a huge impact.  And those moments.....I need those.  My life may be sunshine and rainbows and unicorns.  But the glasses through which I sometimes view the world are clouded and foggy.  I need those words.  I need that gratitude notebook with quotes from others, or a funny photo that made me laugh, or a favorite quote that puts a smile on my face.  I can use that when I am feeling kind of blah or ungrateful to make me realize how lucky I am to be here where I am today.

Part of contemplating the heavens for Rubin meant imitating a spiritual master.  I have so much respect for His Holiness The Dalai Lama.  I have read many of his books.  His wisdom brings me so much peace and makes my heart light.  He's always happy, always at peace, and always so compassionate toward others.  Just looking at his photo lowers my blood pressure and brings such a stillness to the chaos in my body.

September's topic was to "Pursue a Passion."  One of my favorite hobbies is reading.  And I haven't done a lot of that this year.  I normally try to read one book per week.  However, sometimes other things can get in the way.  Things that don't mean as much to me such as watching TV or playing around on the internet.  In the past month, I've tried to get back into my reading.  I've finished a book that I was struggling to read and devoured another book in a few hours.

I am also trying to "Forget About Results" and "Master a New Technology," both sub-topics of September.  I'm always trying to work on my photo editing skills without beating myself up too much.  It's nice sometimes to just tinker around in Photoshop without expecting a certain outcome.  Also, this blog is a way for me to mess around with new technology.  I've got to learn some more HTML to do some things on the blog, so the blog will slowly change up as I learn new things.

"Pay Attention" was the focus for October.  Pete and I are wanting to learn Italian together, so that's a good way to "Stimulate the Mind in New Ways" as part of that month's focus and also a good way to ward off dementia and create new pathways in the brain.  Also, "Keeping a Food Diary" will help me in my goal to lose weight, get healthier, and nourish my body with good food instead of junk.

In November, we are supposed to "Keep a Contented Heart."  "Finding an Area of Refuge" was part of my focus during that month's challenge.  I need to keep positive areas of refuge in my brain where I can go to in order to change my mood or lift my spirits when I want think negatively.  Also, giving positive reviews can slowly change your attitude and the way that you view certain things.

December was "Boot Camp Perfect."  For me, this meant kind of reviewing the year and making sure that I've implemented not everything from the book for every month, but some of those more important things that really stuck out to me.

Overall, this book was great.  Once again, not what I expected, but definitely a book everyone should give a chance.

Here is the synopsis from Barnes & Noble's website:

Gretchen Rubin had an epiphany one rainy afternoon in the unlikeliest of places: a city bus. "The days are long, but the years are short," she realized. "Time is passing, and I'm not focusing enough on the things that really matter." In that moment, she decided to dedicate a year to her happiness project.
In this lively and compelling account of that year, Rubin carves out her place alongside the authors of bestselling memoirs such as Julie and JuliaThe Year of Living Biblically, and Eat, Pray, Love. With humor and insight, she chronicles her adventures during the twelve months she spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier.
Rubin didn't have the option to uproot herself, nor did she really want to; instead she focused on improving her life as it was. Each month she tackled a new set of resolutions: give proofs of love, ask for help, find more fun, keep a gratitude notebook, forget about results. She immersed herself in principles set forth by all manner of experts, from Epicurus to Thoreau to Oprah to Martin Seligman to the Dalai Lama to see what worked for her—and what didn't.
Her conclusions are sometimes surprising—she finds that money can buy happiness, when spent wisely; that novelty and challenge are powerful sources of happiness; that "treating" yourself can make you feel worse; that venting bad feelings doesn't relieve them; that the very smallest of changes can make the biggest difference—and they range from the practical to the profound.
Written with charm and wit, The Happiness Project is illuminating yet entertaining, thought-provoking yet compulsively readable. Gretchen Rubin's passion for her subject jumps off the page, and reading just a few chapters of this book will inspire you to start your own happiness project.

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